There’s a guy who lives upstairs from me. He’s got a nice smile. I’ve only ever spoken to him a handful of times, and even then just passing pleasantries. I know nothing about him (not even if he’s married - I'm clearly non-observant when it comes to rings. I dated a guy with 9 fingers once [probably one of the coolest guys I ever dated] and I didn't notice for at least 3 months. I wish I was joking.) beyond the fact that he has a big black dog, and I’m not exactly a dog person (and before all you dog people get on me; I was attacked by a neighbors dog when I was young and literally had my face torn off. If it weren’t for an amazing surgeon who did a lot of work on me in my teen years, I would basically look like Quasimodo today! I am not a dog hater, I have just never been super enthused in my adult life about having one of my own. I will change diapers all day long, but you can keep the dog doo to yourselves!) I’m wondering if the dog thing would be a deal breaker? I wouldn’t want it shedding in my house.
One time he saw me coming home in Capri sweats and slip on shoes with no socks and a bag full of taco bell - all of it just for me. Another time I saw him almost slip and fall on the ice. We both acted like nothing had happened.
Maybe I’ll write him a note and leave it on his car. Nothing too creepy or forward, just the standard amount of absurd. Something along the lines of “Are you my baby daddy? Please circle 'yes' 'no' or 'maybe' and return to the girl downstairs who swears she hardly ever goes to Taco Bell.”
I’m pretty sure that would totally do the trick!
Or else he'd file a restraining order and I would have to move.
ADSPACE
