Do you know how much I paid for you?

I’ve been reviewing all of my financial forms from the clinic today, and coming to terms with just how deeply this is all going to hit me. Sometimes I think about the cost of IVF (with a sperm donor – don’t forget about that! Every time I remember how much sperm costs I want to kick my previously skankier self for not being more efficient with that stuff back when she had ready access to it!) and I start to freak out a little bit, but today I came up with a silver lining (because there should always be a silver lining). I’m pretty sure that the cost of having a baby is going to, in and of itself, result in one of the best disciplinary tactics ever known to man. Think about it. And then picture me using these zingers when my little one misbehaves:

“Do you have any idea how much I paid for you? Now go clean the kitchen and earn your keep.”

“You cost mommy an awful lot little monkey, and if you don’t start behaving I’m going to ask for a refund.”

“Yes, I know you want that (insert name of expensive futuristic toy here) for Christmas, but unfortunately mommy still owes a pretty penny on your life. You’re just going to have to be happy with books this year.”

“I understand that you want a new car for your 16th birthday, but do you know what? Once upon a time I had the choice of buying myself a new car or buying myself you. You just better be thankful I chose you, because I really wouldn’t have minded a shiny new car either. Now, go get a job and buy yourself a car. I’ve already spent plenty just bringing you into this world!”

OK, so that last one may be going a little too far, but you see where I’m going with this, right? I’m fairly sure it could have implications for years to come. Should be classic parenting at its best!

I pretty much can’t wait.