I’ve had a few friends ask me how my second date with the cop (who I wasn’t that into, but had agreed to go out with again because on paper I really should have liked him) went. Well, there was no second date. Mostly because cop went stalker-cop and totally freaked me out. Somehow I wound up with a stage-5 clinger on my hands after just one blind date.
I already told you all that he had texted me less than 2 hours after our initial date to tell me that it had been the best night he had had in a while and that he couldn’t wait to see and talk to me again. That was already a little over the top for me, but then he started calling the next day. He was pushing hard and fast for a second date, telling me that he was so anxious to see me again he wanted to make sure it was sooner than later (as in, he was shooting for within the next 48 hours; like I don't have a life I would rather be attending to over spending all my free time with some guy I just met!) I realized pretty quickly that this guy was way more into me than I was him (I mean, we spent less than two hours together, and I lied and said Syrah was in labor to get it to end when it did [yes, I went into the bathroom, called her, and came out and said “my best friend is in labor, I have to go!” How could any man, under those circumstances, not realize that maybe I wasn’t completely enraptured?] We didn’t even kiss!)
The more intense he got, the less fun a second date sounded (in fact, the idea of spending more time with this guy had my stomach in knots). When I tried to use my medical issues as an excuse to not go out with him again (because yes, I'm classy like that) he actually begged me to change my mind. He left me a 4 ½ minute message (because once I got through explaining that there would be no second date I promptly turned off my phone… What can I say, I’m mature like a tenth grader!) telling me he had "fallen head over heels" for me the second I had walked in the door, that I was everything he had been looking for (he went on to list all of my wonderful qualities, which he had somehow garnered after knowing me for just a very short time), and that he saw a real future for us (apparently this guy is great at seeing the future, but not so great at reading normal cues). He explained on this message that he knew all about infertility issues (and went into a long history of his mother's struggles) and that if I cared about him even half as much as he cared about me (how do you begin to quantify how much you care about a person you’ve known for only two hours?) I would give "us" a chance because; who knew, he may be the man I start my family with (yes, he threw that out there) sooner than I would think possible. I'm sorry, but I only spent 2 hours (have I made that clear yet?) with him. There was nothing special at all about the date. I thought he was nice, I was going to go out with him again, but whoa! Way too much, way too fast bucko! I'm actually terrified of hearing from this guy again, or worse, running into him (stupid small town)! I was driving around today and there was a cop behind me and I found myself thinking “if this guy pulls me over, I swear…”
He freaked me out so bad that when I came home from work the next day to find a box of sweaters I had ordered from Victoria’s Secret that had clearly been ripped open (not "post man was a little rough with it" ripped open, but "completely torn down the side with a box cutter and sitting there totally picked through" ripped open) all I could think was that stalker-cop had looked up my address, been to my house, seen a box from Victoria’s Secret, and in a creepy rage opened it up just to discover it was only clothes (nothing was missing) and not lingerie... He really may be just a very nice guy who would never do anything like that, but he creeped me out so bad that he was my first suspect.
And it wasn’t just that he was so adamant that I should go out with him again (although, just for the record: if you go on one date with someone [one date that doesn’t result in any hanky-panky and only lasts through dinner], and that person says they don’t want to go out with you again, shouldn’t you just leave it at that? Is there really any basis to push?) It was also just how sure he was that I was so damn special. Maybe there are some girls out there who would find that really romantic (the kind of girls who want to be doted on and taken care of), but to me there is nothing romantic about a guy deciding I'm "the one" he's been looking for after one date. He knows nothing about me. I was on my very best behavior. He didn't even get to see any of my (numerous) flaws. When you put someone on a pedestal, the only direction they have to go is down, and there is just something so intimidating about someone deciding you are so much more than you are.
I hate disappointing people, but you know what? Sometimes I'm a wreck. I can shut people out without a seconds thought. I can be stubborn and so sure I'm right when I'm wrong. I can hurt the people I love just because I'm hurting, and worst of all, lately I cry at the drop of a hat (and I HATE being emotional). I’m not saying I’m not a freaking catch (because let’s face facts; all humility aside, I am pretty amazing!) I’m just saying; I am not perfect. Some guy deciding I am after sharing one meal with me is just a little overwhelming, because the only thing I would ever be able to do is let that guy down. Especially since I wasn't even really all that interested in him in the first place.
I’m not putting myself down because of my flaws (so save all the e-mails telling me how great and worthy of love I am). I accept that no one is perfect, and that my flaws are just a part part of who I am (and the things I don't accept or like, I work on changing). I would just rather have a guy recognize right up front how warped I can be (and decide that that's just part of my charm), than build me up into something I'm not (and even more importantly; something I don't want to be). I don’t need (or want) a man who is so convinced I’m perfect that he will give me anything I want; I need a man who loves me enough to recognize I need to be put in my place most days. I need a man who isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being crazy (which happens fairly frequently), and who knows how to stand up to me when I’m wrong. My final word on this subject is; I can be neurotic, and cold, and sometimes I can have a meltdown that is almost impossible for any man to deal with or understand. No man should fall “head over heels” for me after just two hours. I am simply not that special... Just ask any guy who has ever dated me!
I better not start getting a bunch of tickets!
The experience did teach me one thing though. I have never been all about desperately trying to find someone, and I was going to go on a second date with this guy (even though I wasn't that into him) just because I thought I needed to try harder and give more guys a chance so that I could find my baby daddy. I had started to question how I have dated over the years, and wondered if maybe I was being a bit too picky. In retrospect, I don't even want to think about how over the top this guy would have been after a second date!
Lesson learned. I am removing the dating pressure. I refuse to let this disease make me feel like I have to settle. I need (and have always needed) dating to happen more organically (i.e. no more blind dates please!) I know it’s possible for me to find love, because it did happen that one time. I’m just going to stop trying for it and go back to being happy being me; happy being single. If it’s meant to happen, it will. From now on though, I’m going back to only going out with guys that make my heart skip a beat. If I don't feel like I can't stand not getting to know a guy, I'm not going to get to know him; plain and simple. If I end up being a single mother because of it, so be it. I would rather be a single mother than a mother who settles for some guy she's not that into just to have a baby, and then wakes up 10 years from now thinking "Crap. I used to have values. I used to be picky. Now I'm stuck with THIS guy?" I would rather be a single mother, than to be a woman raising a child with a guy who isn't "the one". I never was that good at sharing anyway.
I have never allowed myself to feel like I need a man for anything, I refuse to allow this disease to change that. When Mr. Right comes around I will be ready. I will be open and available and willing. One thing I will not be is tied down to Mr. Not-So-Right simply because I was afraid of running out of time.
ADSPACE
