A 700 calorie White Chocolate Dream Ice Blended Coffee from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf:
(Worth every calorie, thank you very much! Starbucks has nothing on you CBTL!)
A Raspberry Mojito Martini from JRDN:
A JRDN Cheese Plate to share with my Kris:
Nut Crusted Brie in Mango Salsa from World Famous:
(I have actually tried multiple times to replicate this recipe; it is an impossible task!)
The view I used to adore on my long runs on the boardwalk:
Fast Food worth eating (i.e. grilled cheese sandwiches and animal style fries!):
$19 pedicures:
(Seriously! So much more expensive in the AK, and so much less worth it when your toes are always covered up! I may or may not have spent this entire trip barefoot!)
Frozen Yogurt on every street corner:
(In this case from Yogurt Land; blueberry tart and toasted coconut with yogurt chips, brownie bites, and actual coconut… yum!)
My all time favorite bottle of wine (2006 LEAL Threesome… It’s a small vineyard, but if you are into wine at all you have to check them out, I love everything they make!) that I have even tried (to no avail) to get shipped to Alaska straight from the vineyard:
(This particular bottle is the best blend you will ever find, I swear! My heart officially belongs to a tall old friend and co-worker who scored me 3 bottles for a steal! Now I just have to get these bad boys back to the AK without them breaking in my bag!)
What an Acai bowl should look like:
(This company in the AK started making them and I got all excited, but as soon as I bought one I was disappointed. They pre-make them and then freeze them, so by the time you get it the granola is soggy and the bananas are brown. It’s pathetic.)
Vegetarian hot dogs from the hot dog stand where the man hooks me up with nacho cheese, shredded cheese and cream cheese:
(The best thing in the world to eat after a drunken night!)
Gringos Fajitas:
(I truly do miss good Mexican Food!)
And
Gringos Frida Rita (a pomegranate margarita):
(It gives me such heartburn, but I still love it so!)
Looking back on this list of things that I love and miss about San Diego, I realize that the vast majority relates to food. What can I say; I’m a fan of food! Plus, I feel like I’ve been deprived of so many of the edibles I loved down here since moving to the AK… But of course, what I love and miss the most about SD is my time with my girls. It has been so amazing to spend this time with them, and I am incredibly grateful for these wonderful women in my life.
The girls threw a house party last night (The Holiday Hoopla) and it was the perfect opportunity to see everyone and catch up. I drifted through the party with a glass of water in my hands (not wanting any repeats of Thursday night) and mingled with everyone. One question I kept hearing over and over again was “when are you moving back?” People here can’t believe that I could actually like my life in Alaska (which I understand; when it's 75 degrees in December and you are riding your bike down the beach, it's hard to fathom that anyone could ever be as happy somewhere cold and snowy!), and some of them have actually blamed my general change in attitude on my move as opposed to the last year I’ve had (and the fact that I may just be progressing beyond a need to drink to have fun… there was a lot of confusion last night over why I didn't have a drink [or multiple drinks] in my hand!)
It’s funny, because the last time I was here was a little less than a year ago and I left very sad and wondering why I had ever moved in the first place. I don’t feel that way this time though. There was a guy at the party last night (a very good looking guy who was just my type), and he and I were talking for a while. He’s a 27 year old camera man for MTV and films extreme sports. He was drunk, I was not. As the night progressed and his lines got less and less smooth (at one point he looked longingly at me and told me that I had the most beautiful eyes of any girl he had ever seen, and that he could tell by my eyes I was the girl he was supposed to settle down and have babies with… he actually proposed, more than once), I started to realize that had I been drinking I probably would have fallen for every word and we would have wound up at a hotel somewhere consummating our never-would-be marriage. As it was though, I was thinking to myself that while he was very cute, and he had very nice lips (and it felt great to have someone paying that kind of attention to me, especially since it’s been a while since I’ve actually consummated anything), he was also very drunk and I didn’t really have the patience to be taking care of him when I could be spending time with my girls instead. The next thing I knew, he was going home with our old neighbor!
And that’s PB for you. I remember dating here and loving it! There was always another option; always another flavor of the week (for the guys and the girls), but you had to be willing to jump on that flavor (literally) when you had the chance. I’m not in that place anymore. I want someone who is going to hold me and love me even when I don’t look my absolute best; someone who is going to look into my eyes and see something special for real. I don't really want to wake up next to a guy who doesn't remember my name; no matter how good looking he is (or how kissable his lips may be!) I don’t hold anything against this guy (or all the guys here like him), because that used to be my favorite game; I’ve just outgrown them. I didn't feel like playing "who can spread their legs the fastest" to win the best looking man in the room. I want someone (and something) that I don't think I would ever be able to find here.
I also sat and watched my friends last night, having a blast dancing around, laughing, and loving life until it was morning (and then donning their sports attire and heading out for a Sunday Funday). I remember when I could do that, and it seemed like all that life was worth living for. I looked at them last night and couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, because I do remember just loving that life. But, it’s not what I want anymore. I feel so much more driven to be as healthy as possible (to eat and drink right, get enough sleep and attempt to pull off those scheduled workouts) because I want my body to be as strong as it can be right now; because I want to have at least some control over my health and well being. I don’t want to be going to bed late, and I don’t want to be waking up with a hangover that I squelch with another drink. I don’t know when my mentality changed (because I seriously thought this trip was going to be all about me reverting to my old ways), but that’s not the life I want anymore. I really did have a blast this weekend (and I wouldn’t give these moments up for anything), but I feel like this last year has aged me. It’s made me look at the future sooner than I probably would have otherwise, and now I don’t want to be ignoring the present; I want to be trying to figure it out. I’m actually excited to get home to the remnants of the snow storm I left behind, and to see how much E.K. has changed in the last few days. I want to play with V and tell all my fun stories to Syrah, Loo, and Mrs. King. I'm just ready to be "home".
The truth is, I realized last night that San Diego isn’t always going to be the San Diego I remember either. It is only a matter of time before my friends start getting hit by the same revelations I’ve been slammed with (although, hopefully in less immediate and permanent ways), and they will start wanting other things too. They will fall in love, or have babies, or just decide they want to be closer to their families or new careers, and that will be it. San Diego (especially PB) has a way of prolonging the inevitable for a little longer than most places, but I wouldn’t be surprised if in just a few years most of these girls I love will be spread out across the country. San Diego won’t even be my San Diego eventually. As it is, nothing has changed but me, but I’m pretty positive that won’t be the case for long. So, why would I move back? I can’t go backwards in life, and I can’t cling to (and try to re-create) happy memories simply because I’ve hit a rough patch. I’ve got to move forward, and I’ve got to figure out how to get through this realistically and without a drink in my hand to guide me.
I’m off to Arizona tomorrow to spend a few days with the family. That’s always a tough one for me because Arizona is the home of so many bad memories, but maybe that will all feel different too. Who knows? Maybe my perspective has changed. Regardless, I am already excited to head back to my real home in Alaska and start working on the rest of my life! Thank you San Diego, for reminding me how to smile and getting my head back in the game! You will always have a little piece of my heart, and three years worth of the best memories in my head...
