Are you strong enough?

I had to close some doors on some issues of the past (far, far away childhood past) tonight. It needed to happen. It’s needed to happen for a long time, but... I am feeling so numb. The head space is too cloudy to think (or write) about this morning’s consult with Seattle Reproductive Medicine (which was more disappointing than I had hoped, I still have no idea what to do), but I promise I’ll touch on those highlights tomorrow.

Right now though, I’m looking at my guitar.

I’ve had this guitar for 7 years (OK, not quite. The de-virginator “borrowed” it from me for what must have been at least 5 years). My dad got it for me, and I originally wanted it because I wanted to learn how to play (and sing) Sheryl Crow’s “Strong Enough”.



I never learned how to play (or sing), mostly because I am completely lacking in any musical talent or ability (a truth which makes me very sad. How amazing must it be to be on stage with a guitar, and a mic, and the lights in your eyes so you feel like there is nothing else. I’m convinced I was meant to be a musician, and that something just got screwed up with my wiring somewhere along the way) but…

Loo asked me recently what my theme song was, and my immediate and unequivocal response had been: Sophie B. Hawkins “Damn, I wish I was your Lover”, simply because every time I hear that song, no matter where I am, I bust out with the fake microphone and sing at the top of my lungs. Sitting here staring at the guitar I can't play though, I can’t believe I bypassed Miss Crow… No song has ever seemed a more accurate representation of my entire life when it comes to the kind of person I am and to the kind of person I need.

God, I feel like hell tonight…